The other day I made a comment on a post about the lack of empathy that seems to be the norm with some people. This got me thinking and so I looked it up to see if what I was referring to was actually a lack of empathy or just selfishness on the part of people. This is what I found:Empathy, the recognition of the emotional states of others, requires that we imagine how others feel and what their needs might be. It requires letting go of self-preoccupation, it requires paying attention to people other than ourselves, it requires observation, listening, and understanding. We need to be able to truly focus on others and to read non-verbal messages.
People who lack empathy may see their partner as a possession, a commodity or even an extension of themselves. They are unable or unwilling to offer support, encouragement or affection when a partner needs it most. They never truly listen to a partner, never try to put aside their own point of view, never truly accept their partner’s differences and never really unite with them. They don’t listen. They never really know their partner. So they have no idea what a partner really likes, what they want, what they care about. Such people are highly sensitive to their own pain but dismissive of, or indifferent to, anyone else’s.
A lack of empathy can lead to stubbornness, only recognizing our own views as important, and taking no notice of anyone else’s ideas or opinions.
Lack of empathy also leads to lack of respect for others and a lack of restraint toward them that can result in callousness and even cruelty. Without empathy people often respond inappropriately because they assume that others think and feel as they do and have the same desires and motives.
Without empathy it is easier to have a contemptuous, dismissive attitude to other people’s feelings, wishes, standards, property, beliefs or work. Someone without empathy can be cruel in all sorts of ways because they pay so little attention to others. They do not know what others value or why (nor do they care).
Without empathy we do not really see people as other people, but merely as objects in relation to ourselves. Lack of empathy makes us insensitive and can lead to callous indifference and casual cruelty. There is no meaning in helping others, or living for others. We lack awareness of, and give no attention to others as beings who are as equally important as themselves.
Empathy, that uniquely human ability to imagine oneself in another’s position, to understand how others think and feel, to emotionally enter another person’s world, and to respond with compassion, is essential to healthy relationships, social unity and personal growth.
The results are no surprise to me, rather a validation of what I was talking about. Let me give you one instance of lack of empathy in my life.I have a friend, (well, rather I HAD a friend...no more) that finds other peoples misfortunes to be the funniest thing he's ever heard. While telling me about someone he knew that was involved in a divorce and his wife taking him for EVERYTHING, he was laughing uproariously. He was literally tickled pink at this poor persons misfortune. Another time he was telling me about how he deliberately stares at people to make them uncomfortable. When I asked him why he does that, his response was an airy "oh just for my own enjoyment." I looked at him and said "that is sick"!!He is a friend at work and not a close friend so I just kinda avoided saying what I really thought. Doesn't do well to make enemies at work. Fast forward to when I tried to quit smoking and was saying to him how hard I was finding it and how certain things stressed me out and when that happened I was using the inhaler more. He laughed at me people! He said that the last place he worked he DELIBERATELY stressed someone out just so he could watch him crash and burn and start smoking again!!! Now, how fucking SICK is that??? I said that I found that to be rather disturbing to take enjoyment from other peoples pain and that it wasn't a very christian thing to do. He is a christian, he carries around a book called pocket miracles, reads religious material on breaks at work and when I told him it wasn't a very christian thing to do , he said "Oh is that so?" and I said "Yes that's so, practice what you preach buddy and if you ever do it to me, I will never speak to you again." I could see the look in his eyes and I knew without a doubt that he was gonna try the same shit with me.We talked on messenger cos other than that he'd always been half decent to me. So, the weekend goes by, I messaged him a few times to no response. Monday comes, he comes in, smirks at me and totally puts me on ignore. I knew what he was up to and thought hey two can play this game, and I just ignored him and went about my day. I meant what I said. I did not need any more stress in my life. As it turns out of course I did start smoking again but it was NOT because of him. BUT, I will never, ever speak to him again. That lack of empathy for other people makes it clear to me why hes still single at 50 years old, why he's never had a long term relationship with anyone. I'm not a religious person for the most part, don't have alot of patience for organised religion, I do however, believe in a higher power. Too many billions of people have died over the the last 2000 years in the name of their "god" for me to believe. My own take on it is to be as nice as possible with people, to try to understand and empathise, in short, to do unto others as you'd have them do to you. The cynical part of me feels that people who can't or won't do that are the ones you see carrying books like pocket miracles around with them as deep down they realise that the empathy they should have is missing. Nothing more than paperbag christians in my opinion.Well, he's lost a friend in me. He is not the only person in my life that fits the lack of empathy thing, he's just the worst case scenario. I distance myself emotionally from people in my life that do that shit. If I'm not important enough in their life for them to be able to have empathy for me, then I shut down. Cos why should I break my ass for people when they can't or won't do the same for me?? Life is too short.Cathy