A Beautiful Day

I finally drove by myself to Caledonia for smokes. As I spoke about it to hubby I guess I used "us" when going to the reserve came up. I really didn't want to have him along cos he gets on my nerves quite frankly. He is always giving me "helpful tips" that end up flustering me more than making it easier. So, I'm driving eldest daughter to work and she said he'd been bitching he wanted to sleep in but thought I wanted him along and felt like he had to go. Funny, I didn't even think of waking him, I just showered and went lol Two different perspectives.

The drive itself isn't far, 50 kms, but the 403 highway is so twisty turny and people were freakin me out! They are so aggressive and going around what seems to me to be hair pins turns , in reality are just twisty roads, but they take them doing 120 or 130km an hour and I'm there doing a steady 80 scared to death lol

The good part of all that tho was the fact that I had incredible luck on the hwys today! The qew/403 can be your worst nightmare but it was clear sailing all the way there and back. When I picked up daughter from work, again with the good luck there and back. Now tho, my ankle hurts lol I'm such a wuss but not used to driving so much in one day!

Picked up Logan and headed to the lake so he could play and get some fresh air. I wished I had remembered my camera! He was playing throwing a stick into the lake letting the waves carry it back, dodge the water to dash in grab the stick and get back before his shoes got wet! Laughing alot and we climbed rocks and crossed the stream on a tree branch! We both made it with no wet shoes, and he high fived me that he did it. Too freakin cute for words! It was a gorgeous day, brilliant sunshine and 14 c, more like mid September.

I'm pretty proud I didn't get lost today. I seem to have no sense of direction and never pay attention where we're going if I'm not driving. Last time we went I paid more attention cos I knew I'd be doing it sooner or later. Next time won't be so traumatic, I'll know what to expect.

Time for dinner, it's been a busy day. Now to enjoy whats left of the weekend. Hope your having a good one!

Cathy

The kindness of my coworkers!

So, I finally did what I KNEW I was gonna do.

I locked my keys in my car...sigh. Yay me! So, I'm sitting in the car last night at 10 pm break, having coffee and a smoke and reading. Saw some of the people heading back in and got out of the car and locked it and slammed the door and....OMFG my keys are still in the ignition!!

Since I had a flat, I been thinking about contacting CAA to get covered. Did I do it?? Of course not! The worst and most STUPID part of this is I had BOTH keys on the same keyring!!! Yea, brilliant I know, I'm such a shining star, I amaze myself! lol

I was in a total panic and one of the guys says maybe we can rig something as my drivers side passenger window was open 1/4 inch. I go in to let my boss know and one of the guys says call CAA and I said I don't have CAA yet. He handed me his CAA card and told me to call. I couldn't believe it!

So, after a post about people that have no empathy, I had to write a post about people who HAVE empathy and who have no problem helping others. This particular guy is one of the really nice guys at work, we always talk and laugh, he calls me "lady" and I call him "mister". Without a second thought he hands me his CAA card. I was in shock, I've gotten so used to people being selfish and self absorbed, who would rather laugh at other peoples misfortune than help them and here's this guy, without a seconds thought, offering to help! Amazing, it's things like this that renew my faith in people!

The last time I did that, I had to call a tow truck company to come open it. That was 8 years ago and I got charged 45 bucks then, who knows what they would've charged me now. He saved me a lot of money and so at Christmas I will buy him a bottle to thank him properly.

The CAA guy was there in 10 minutes, had my car unlocked in 2 minutes and I IMMEDIATELY took the spare key off and put it on the ring I have in my bag that holds my spare apt keys cos I used to forget them all the time and had to keep going to the super or the office manager to get a spare set to open my door...sigh. Guess my next step is getting a couple more cut, one to keep at home, and one to put in one of those magnetic hide a key things to put on the car somewhere so if it happens again and I'm sure it will... lol I'll be able to get the door unlocked.

That tops off a few days of while I was feeling marginally better depression wise, I whacked my shin so hard I saw stars on Friday, banged my head on the control panel on Friday and on the weekend, spilled boiling water all over the front of me and burned my boob!!! So it was nice for something to finally go right for a change. Little did I know it would renew my faith in humanity.

Many many thanks again mister! You made my day!!

A great, positive way to start the week!

Cathy

Empathy...or the lack there of

The other day I made a comment on a post about the lack of empathy that seems to be the norm with some people. This got me thinking and so I looked it up to see if what I was referring to was actually a lack of empathy or just selfishness on the part of people.

This is what I found:

Empathy, the recognition of the emotional states of others, requires that we imagine how others feel and what their needs might be. It requires letting go of self-preoccupation, it requires paying attention to people other than ourselves, it requires observation, listening, and understanding. We need to be able to truly focus on others and to read non-verbal messages.

People who lack empathy may see their partner as a possession, a commodity or even an extension of themselves. They are unable or unwilling to offer support, encouragement or affection when a partner needs it most. They never truly listen to a partner, never try to put aside their own point of view, never truly accept their partner’s differences and never really unite with them. They don’t listen. They never really know their partner. So they have no idea what a partner really likes, what they want, what they care about. Such people are highly sensitive to their own pain but dismissive of, or indifferent to, anyone else’s.

A lack of empathy can lead to stubbornness, only recognizing our own views as important, and taking no notice of anyone else’s ideas or opinions.

Lack of empathy also leads to lack of respect for others and a lack of restraint toward them that can result in callousness and even cruelty. Without empathy people often respond inappropriately because they assume that others think and feel as they do and have the same desires and motives.

Without empathy it is easier to have a contemptuous, dismissive attitude to other people’s feelings, wishes, standards, property, beliefs or work. Someone without empathy can be cruel in all sorts of ways because they pay so little attention to others. They do not know what others value or why (nor do they care).

Without empathy we do not really see people as other people, but merely as objects in relation to ourselves. Lack of empathy makes us insensitive and can lead to callous indifference and casual cruelty. There is no meaning in helping others, or living for others. We lack awareness of, and give no attention to others as beings who are as equally important as themselves.

Empathy, that uniquely human ability to imagine oneself in another’s position, to understand how others think and feel, to emotionally enter another person’s world, and to respond with compassion, is essential to healthy relationships, social unity and personal growth.

The results are no surprise to me, rather a validation of what I was talking about. Let me give you one instance of lack of empathy in my life.

I have a friend, (well, rather I HAD a friend...no more) that finds other peoples misfortunes to be the funniest thing he's ever heard. While telling me about someone he knew that was involved in a divorce and his wife taking him for EVERYTHING, he was laughing uproariously. He was literally tickled pink at this poor persons misfortune. Another time he was telling me about how he deliberately stares at people to make them uncomfortable. When I asked him why he does that, his response was an airy "oh just for my own enjoyment." I looked at him and said "that is sick"!!

He is a friend at work and not a close friend so I just kinda avoided saying what I really thought. Doesn't do well to make enemies at work. Fast forward to when I tried to quit smoking and was saying to him how hard I was finding it and how certain things stressed me out and when that happened I was using the inhaler more. He laughed at me people! He said that the last place he worked he DELIBERATELY stressed someone out just so he could watch him crash and burn and start smoking again!!! Now, how fucking SICK is that??? I said that I found that to be rather disturbing to take enjoyment from other peoples pain and that it wasn't a very christian thing to do.

He is a christian, he carries around a book called pocket miracles, reads religious material on breaks at work and when I told him it wasn't a very christian thing to do , he said "Oh is that so?" and I said "Yes that's so, practice what you preach buddy and if you ever do it to me, I will never speak to you again." I could see the look in his eyes and I knew without a doubt that he was gonna try the same shit with me.

We talked on messenger cos other than that he'd always been half decent to me. So, the weekend goes by, I messaged him a few times to no response. Monday comes, he comes in, smirks at me and totally puts me on ignore. I knew what he was up to and thought hey two can play this game, and I just ignored him and went about my day. I meant what I said. I did not need any more stress in my life. As it turns out of course I did start smoking again but it was NOT because of him. BUT, I will never, ever speak to him again. That lack of empathy for other people makes it clear to me why hes still single at 50 years old, why he's never had a long term relationship with anyone.

I'm not a religious person for the most part, don't have alot of patience for organised religion, I do however, believe in a higher power. Too many billions of people have died over the the last 2000 years in the name of their "god" for me to believe. My own take on it is to be as nice as possible with people, to try to understand and empathise, in short, to do unto others as you'd have them do to you. The cynical part of me feels that people who can't or won't do that are the ones you see carrying books like pocket miracles around with them as deep down they realise that the empathy they should have is missing. Nothing more than paperbag christians in my opinion.

Well, he's lost a friend in me. He is not the only person in my life that fits the lack of empathy thing, he's just the worst case scenario. I distance myself emotionally from people in my life that do that shit. If I'm not important enough in their life for them to be able to have empathy for me, then I shut down. Cos why should I break my ass for people when they can't or won't do the same for me?? Life is too short.

Cathy

Remembering my mom

Today is my mom's birthday. She would have been 70 today had she lived.

She passed away 12 1/2 years ago after a brief illness. It was all so fast, we didn't get a chance to say good bye. She had her share of health problems. Some were beyond her control and others were within her control but she didn't have the wherewithal to change. She was born at the beginning of WW2 in 1939. She died 6 months before her 58th birthday. They told us everything in her body was shutting down one after the other. I had talked to her on the Sunday night, she seemed in as good a spirits as she coulda been for being in the hospital. We talked about the kids, she couldn't wait to come home, she wanted to meet my oldest daughters first real boyfriend. We laughed together about how cute it was that when he came to pick her up for their first date, he was so polite and seemed like a throw back to the days when young men removed their hats in the presence of ladies, introduced himself, said good evening to me and hubs, was a perfect gentleman. On the Monday, I called in the morning to talk to her and there was no answer in her room. I called the nurses desk and was told she had taken a turn for the worse in the night and had been moved to ICU. She never regained consciousness and was gone by the Wednesday. We were in total shock. How could this be?? Couldn't understand how it could happen so fast like that.

She wasn't well, she was 120 pounds overweight, high blood pressure, rheumatoid arthritis, diabetes, and as it turned out a weak heart from having I think it was scarlet fever as a child and for someone who very seldom drank, her liver was in bad shape.

How hard it was to get through the funeral, having to teach my dad how to do simple things like writing a cheque or buying a money order. My mom took care of all the bills and my dad did none of it. He was so lost without her. I was so lost without her. We all were. She was the glue that held the family together. She never forgot a birthday, she loved going shopping for the girls, buying them silly things like musical underwear and bra sets. At the height of the cabbage patch kid craze, when they were over 100 bucks each, she bought them knock off dolls, discovered that they were being recalled cos of the filling in the knock off dolls, went and bought a huge pile of cotton batten and painstakingly took all the stuffing out and replaced it with the cotton batten to insure the girls would be safe.

Growing up in the war years and the shortages of food in the ensuing few years, she had a fear of starvation and always stockpiled canned food, and packaged stuff. That fear probably was the underlying reason why she was so heavy. That and her life not turning out the way she envisioned, being married to a man who was a horribly abusive alcoholic, 3 kids in 4 years, her own mom having died 41 days after she got married to my dad, living in what amounted to little more than a slum to be perfectly blunt and not having her mom or gramma to help guide her. She could've left my dad I suppose, but fear held her back and really in 1971 it was rare for a woman to divorce her hubby and try to make it on her own, especially since the most she could get with no real education was 1.50 an hour. How do you raise 3 kids on your own on that kind of money. She did the best she could under the circumstances.

She passed on her love of baking to my oldest daughter, the love of books and rag mags ( I was abducted by aliens!!! type of thing ), romance magazines ( remember TRUE STORY and TRUE ROMANCE mags? ) her love of animals , especially cats, she had a huge collection of Franklin Mint cats, her love of browsing ( that woman could SHOP...for HOURS looking at EVERY little thing, used to drive me nuts! lol ) the love of gingerbread, to the girls not to me, I still cant abide the stuff lol ,but the most important thing of all in my mind is she passed on a sense of responsibility and her sense of empathy for others. Not everyone, as I find out daily it seems, has a sense of empathy for their fellow man.

Not a day goes by that I don't think about her and wish she was still here. I wish she had lived to see her great grandson. I wish she was here to see the girls to help guide them. She'd be so proud of both of them, that they turned out so well. She loved those girls with all her heart and couldn't do enough for them. She was in a word GRAMMA and she fulfilled that role with relish. She is missed every single day in every single way.

Happy Birthday Mom, I love you. Rest in peace.

Cathy

Well I can see its been months again since I posted.

There is a lot I wish I could talk about but since it involves people who read this blog, I feel like I shouldn't.

I'm still enjoying the car. Love the freedom it gives me. Had a nasty bout of bacterial pneumonia at the beginning of September that knocked me on my ass! First time in well over 14 years that I have needed antibiotics. I just dont seem to get sick much. Was off work for a week and even when I went back just eating my lunch took all my energy.

Decided to quit smoking...lasted 17 days and fell off the wagon with a resounding crash. Had a bad week , oldest daughter was flying for the first time ever to Calgary and I was terrified it would crash, add pms symptoms, menapause symptoms and then to top it all off as soon as I pulled into the lot at work I got a flat tire! Had to call hubby to stop on his way home from work to change it for me cos I didnt have a clue...I know real smooth huh? I should know how but ya know what? I'm gonna get roadside assistance. Anyway, all that together and I lost it and bought smokes. So much for that!

This is a really bad time of year for me. I lost 4 people that meant so much to me and I can feel the depression trying to get ahold of me and drag me down. It's hard to be happy, happy, joy, joy, when your heart breaks every year at this time.

The anniversary of my sisters passing was the 13th of October and I was a wreck most of that day. While we hadn't been close most of our lives, in the 2 years leading up to her death we became closer and I miss her alot.

Started bringing boxes home to start packing. The move is months away but never too early to start packing. The kids will be moving out in May and we will follow, probably in June. Empty nest time I guess. On one hand I'll miss them but really I haven't had to be mom to my youngest in the past 3 years very much so that it will hardly be a change. I'm a disappointment in a way to the youngest one in that I couldn't stay off the smokes, she hates it with a passion, that we've wavered trying to stay off the weed. It's all so black and white to young people and no shades of grey in their minds. We are like the aging hippies and shes like the Alex P. Keaton establishment. Be funny if it wasn't so sad. They will learn I'm sure, in the meantime I get to feel like I've failed some how.

See, that's the depression talking. Got to get those thoughts out of my head.

So much crap swirling in my brain, so much sadness, anger, grief, a need to just , I dont know, see even on here I cannot say what's really the problem. I just feel so damn let down about so much, friends, family, my own inability to just for gawds sake GET OVER IT!! The need to just freakin tell people exactly what I think about the way I've been treated and to open their own eyes to how they treat others.

Well shit, now I've set myself to crying...lovely. It's time I got ready for work and get on my way and hopefully tomorrow will be a better day!

Cathy

Reconnecting with old friends

A little over a week ago, I was on Facebook and saw I had a friend request. I clicked on it and didn't recognise the name, but then in the subject line was the name of the street I grew up around the corner from. Then I knew !!

What a great surprise that was! I've only seen Lorraine once in the past 32 years and that was 23 years ago!! It turned out that she was living about 25 kms north of me so we made plans to see each other. A great evening talking about all the people we grew up with, so many 'do you remember whens?'. She is 6 years older than me but always seemed to have a following of the younger kids on the 2 streets. She taught us how to dance, introduced us to the cool music and I will never forget she had the coolest Beatles rug! She had a daughter when she was 18, I got to see Elizabeth too and hard to believe she will be 36 this year! I used to babysit her...gawd, in some ways its like yesterday and others it seems like so long ago. Loads of great memories, along with that come the not so nice ones, growing up with a physically abusive, alcoholic father has given me my share of nightmares the past week.

The dreams have stopped, thank god!, and I am just gonna try to concentrate on the positive. It was a great visit anyway and we will keep in touch after this for sure. I love the times we live in that with the click of a couple of buttons, we're able to find people we thought vanished. Just the amount of research that would have to be done to find someone is staggering to do it the old fashioned way!

Sunday, we went to the C.N.E. with Jenn and Jay. I'm afraid my bad mood from not enough sleep and hubby being an ass from the start, was not conducive to having a good time. All we did was bicker and I feel bad that we ruined the kids day somewhat with it. It was cold and windy and I was wearing sandals, yes I know, real smart to wear them when I was gonna be walking for 5 hours, however, I think I'm really starting to get disillusioned with the C.N.E. It seems like nothing more than a huge money grab. More like a flea market type atmosphere. the food is crazy expensive. One corn on the cob and drink for $6.50??? Unreal, how crazy is that? Think I mentioned it in last years 'ex' post. Too lazy to look back and see if the price is the same. I was horrified anyway. I think you need to have $500 bucks to just blow there and it wouldn't take long I'm sure.

One cool thing was we did get to see figure skating and acrobatics on ice, set to music from major films and Elvis Stojko was in it. It was FREEZING in the arena but the show was really good . I took some pics that I haven't upoaded yet and will get to....I know the people who know me are shaking their heads right now and thinking uh huh cos I have been extremely lax about uploading photos to the comp this summer...I have tons of pics on the camera that are just sitting there cos I can't be bothered lol

Well it seems like the summer is gone in a blur, last day of august already. Soon we will be getting ready for thanksgiving and Christmas all over again.

Next Sunday is my grandsons birthday and then, god help me, I will spend labour day doing nothing. I went from having too much time on my hands when work slowed down, to never having a free day to just putter or sit or nap or whatever. It seems like it's never ending and I'm ready for a break!

So, I'm off to indulge myself with some scrabble and then a nap before work this afternoon. Have a great day!

Cathy

A visit to Orangeville

As you can imagine, I've hardly been home and just out driving!

Yesterday I went to Orangeville to see Char and to check out the area she's moved to. I'm not sure how many kilometers it is away from me but I'm thinking 65 or so.

The drive up was a breeze! I was heading north and everyone else was heading south towards Toronto and Mississauga. It only took me an hour getting there. Coming home though, different story! I got pushed onto the 401 hwy completely by accident but at that point I thought it's only 2 exits and its like driving on the surface roads at that time of nite. Traffic doesn't move much faster than 50 kmh with the volume. Yes, it was rush hour, smooth huh? First thing hubby said to me was, you shoulda waited til 7 to leave! Oh well, it gave me a great chance to remember how to drive in this mess on the roads. Every where is under construction, repaving, assholes on the road!! Boy, oh boy, did I see some questionable shit yesterday ! I swear I don't know where these people get the balls for some of the moves they make! I think they believe they're in some sort of action movie and they are the HERO! I just sat back and gave them the necessary space to be the asshole they can't help being. Better part of valour as hubby always says. I made it, the car performed great. Hwy driving is nice, the car doesn't shudder at 110kmh and that's all I'd ever do anyway, so I was relieved.

Now to Orangeville. I've driven through it lots of times on the way somewhere else but never had a reason to stop and check it out. She lives in a really nice area. Lots of mature trees, the people are super friendly. We took the dog with us. He's a big boy, part Rottweiler and I think part Shepard. He's got some of the Shepard colour but he has the majestic look of the rotty. Everyone LOVES him!!! He's big enough to be scary but he's a pushover for a pat and a treat. Everyone was saying ohhh I love your dog. He's quite the ice breaker and he's so well behaved. Patiently waited outside while Char and I poked through thrift stores. A gentle giant!

One store we went to was I think just called The Thrift Store. I wasn't looking for much in particular and then I spotted the baby clothes! What a great deal they had, 1.49 for each piece of baby clothing! A friend of the family is having a baby in September and her shower is this weekend. I'm going out with Jenn to buy her stuff tonite, but what an extra bonus these clothes will be. Everything I bought will fit the baby from birth to 3 months. Twelve items of clothing and a little hat for just under 18 dollars! Most of it is onesies, which are expensive to buy and what you constantly never have enough of. The clothes are in perfect condition as they might be as we all know how fast the babies grow out of the smallest sizes! No stains, all bright new colors and my absolute fave is a pink fuzzy bunny sleeper type thing complete with ears...awwww so freaking cute!

We walked alot and sat and took in the sun. Visited the town halls bathroom facilities and its all so quaintlike and yet it seems modern. It's an interesting mix of old and new and I think that in the next 10 to 20 years with the new hwy they're putting in, that town will explode. It's not a bad commute, without the construction but it will be alot more attractive when there is a four lane hwy in each direction. The drawback is when that happens the town will lose its small town country feel...onward and upward I guess. Chars place isn't bad, it is smallish but I think its more that the place is dwarfed by the furniture. Once she gets it set up it won't be too bad. Big change from a 3 bedroom home and it got me thinking that when the kids move out and we get a smaller place, I'm gonna be in the same boat. Not the same as moving a house to be sure but I'm in a 3 bedroom condo and while I hate clutter and compared to some I don't have loads of stuff, I know I'm gonna have to start packing shit soon. We know it's coming and when and we can get a chance to toss what we don't want or need and pack the rest. I don't have lots of big heavy furniture like china cabinets. What I do have is an accumulation of, for lack of a better word, utensils. So many dishes that two hall closets are filled with the shit that doesn't fit in the kitchen. It's gonna be hard to decide what to toss and what to keep gonna have to spread it out and somehow organise it. Ugh I know EXACTLY how she felt about moving, its a drag.

So, I should be posting pictures of the car, of the picnic that wasn't, and various other pics that need to be uploaded onto the computer and I really haven't been in the mood cos I've let so many accumulate on the camera that there's pics from June on it still! Haven't felt like sorting through them all. But i will try to get to it.

Was a very nice visit, we will be able to get together more often, she's hoping to be driving again soon too. Christmas shopping anyone???? *ducking while people throw shit at me for daring to utter the name of that day in the heat of summer*

Which by the way. I finally get a car and I think that's wonderful. Now I can be at the gym by 350 and home by 430. Great right? Except on the drive home yesterday, I see a sign that says the street that I live off of is gonna be under construction from this Monday til December!! It's about a 2 km stretch that will be affected. Nice huh? and it will only get worse once school is back in ....all the schools and factories in the area all get out at 330...chaos on the roads!

Back to work Monday, just in time for the temps to feel like 40 c. All I can say is thank god I'm going back in on days! Suffocating humidity is on the way, much better to be on days before the place heats up to furnace like temps! Happy Char??? you will finally see the hot weather you've been wishing for!!! lol

Well, I got a huge pile'o dishes to do fom ohh lets see ...Tues nite lol Better get to it , it was my turn and it's just getting worse the longer it goes!

Have a great day!

Cathy