Why political crap bores the tits off me

Don't get me wrong. I will vote. I believe it is our right, our duty, how can we complain if we don't vote... yadda yadda....

What annoys the hell out of me is the ads they run CONSTANTLY! I cannot wait until the elections here and in the states are over! I'm at the point now that as soon as I see one of the numerous ads for either country come on, I switch channels, I am sick to death of playground politics!

The ads wouldn't be so bad if what they talked about was their own party and what they hope to accomplish, what they have accomplished in the past, you know, their version of the utopia. Instead, what we get is nothing more than name calling from what are supposed to be ADULTS.

It doesn't matter what party it is and the one I vote for does the same. They pick apart their opponents, they name call, they ridicule and instead of making themselves look good, and make you want to vote for them because they have a firm commitment and platform, it ends up being lets see how ridiculous we can make the other guy look in order to get the votes.

In my opinion, its childish and churlish and shows a remarkable lack of professionalism. Why not get up there and talk about themselves? Why not let us choose based on what their platform is? Why does it have to always be about how much worse the other guy is?

Aarrggghhhhh...I hate politics!

Another dumb blogger question

I have a question this morning and was wondering if anyone can help me.

As I am so new to the whole blogging thing, there's alot I don't know.

When reading comments on others blogs, most people have a picture that shows up with their comment. When I comment, it shows my name and where a picture or avatar would be, it says no image.

My question is, how do I have a picture show up when I comment?

If anyone can help I'd appreciate it.

Thanks

Cathy

Sunday afternoon chatter

Good afternoon, it's been a very busy weekend and I finally have time to sit down and blog.

I babysat L on Saturday. First time in 3 weeks, I really enjoyed the time off as I watched him almost every weekend since May. We took him to get his hair buzzed and it was a mite awkward as the girl who does his hair is also the one that made such a mess of mine last time. She looked at me and said, "oh your hair looks so nice". I just kinda shrugged it off and said, yea I went somewhere else and the guy gave me bangs. I didn't feel too badly cos there's no way she could've done this cut. 40 years of experience means he has the ability to be creative with peoples hair and make it look good even tho he didn't cut much off, it's the way he cut it into this style that makes all the difference. I will continue to take L there for his buzz cuts but I won't have her do my hair again.

Hubby then took L to McD's for lunch while I went into Shoppers and the dollar store. It is cool they now take debit at Dollarama, although I end up spending more of course! We tried to take him and the dog to the park after but it started raining again and we ended up just coming home to watch a movie instead. Then it was off to do grocery shopping with him and J. He really, really would rather not go shopping, typical male! If we'd been shopping for video games, he would've been right into it. As it was merely food shopping, he'd rather opt out.

Last night I decided to try dying a coat and bag. C successfully dyed a carry all bag black so I thought hey, I'm gonna try that. She did it on the stove, while I decided to use the washer. It took 2 wash cycles to set the dye, 3 wash cycles to rinse it, 2 wash cycles to wash out the excess, finally it was done and turned out pretty good. The bag didn't come out as black and I don't know why cos the coat came out jet black. Then one more complete wash cycle with just water and soap and bleach to take out any remaining dye from the machine and 3 hours later I was finally done!

Today, J came up to do laundry here and we took L and the puppy girl to the park for an hour while we waited for her last load to dry. It is a very nice day, shorts weather and most probably one of the last really nice days we get before the cold sets in. Trees are starting to turn colour and it is gorgeous. I live on the 12 floor and we have a magnificent view and at this time of year I could just stand there looking, it's all so lovely. A lot of people out on the lake today enjoying the sun and heat and I guess that won't go on much longer either. Some days there are hundreds of people out on the lake, sail boats everywhere!

This Tuesday will mark a sad day for me. It is my sis' birthday. She would've been 46 on the 30th. It seems hard to believe sometimes that it's been almost 2 years since she passed away. I miss her, I wish things could have been different between us but I do have the comfort of knowing that in the year or so leading up to her death that, while she was never completely truthful with me, we had a closer relationship than we ever had in the past. My best memory is of the day in May preceding her death when our cousin Rene was here visiting and Lori came up and we dyed her hair and had a very good time visiting and laughing and having a couple drinks. It felt like old times and yet it felt new too. She was perpetually poor due to the drug addiction and couldn't afford to dye it herself so I bought 4 boxes of dye and she was sooo happy with it, she even let me trim it and we had a good laugh about when we were kids and I offered to cut her hair, fucked it up and ended up having to take like 6 inches off!!! It was years before she forgave me!! This time I took only 1 inch off the bottom just to make it look a little healthier. It literally was her crowning glory, she had beautiful hair and it was down to her butt.

I miss her but I hope she's at peace now. She had such a hard life, fraught with abuse and drug addition, losing custody of her children and I really regret that we were not able to find her kids until the day after she died. Her ex and his wife had them and pretty much cut her off for years due to the lifestyle she lived. It took her oldest boy contacting the police here to see if his brother had any priors and sure enough he had and while wouldn't give him his brothers address, they called his dad and passed the message along and from there his father contacted us and even flew her son out from Alberta to attend the funeral. It was very bittersweet as I hadn't seen her two youngest kids in over 10 years and I know she would've loved to have seen and been in contact with her two youngest, it wasn't to be.

It was a terrible way to live her life and yet somehow, even though I know we are the only ones who can control our lives, in her case, I think she wasn't born with the ability. If she had, I think her life would've been so very different. She was a fetal alcohol baby, with a genetic predisposition toward being an addictive personality. We all were, my sis and brother and I. In her case it was the worst possible scenario unfortunately. Really wish things could've been different for us all.

I dyed my own hair today, I really like the color. J just laughed and said "Jos Louis" hair!!! brat! It's a little dark but will lighten up considerably after its been washed 2 or 3 times. Way too much grey peeking through especially since its shorter on the sides now. I shudder to think how much grey there would be if I were to let it go without dying it. My gramma was completely white by the time she was 40, my mom started greying at 18 and I lasted about 10 years longer but still I've been dying it for 20 years now. I always think why should I look old if I don't have to? Why not look as young as possible for as long as possible? I always do my eyebrows as well cos nothing screams dye job louder than different coloured eyebrows!!

J just called to tell me that her cat LOVES catnip!! her sis bought it for her cat but like my Meesha it had no effect on her, but J's cat is in her glory, rolling around on it and she put some in an old sock and she went nuts over it!! She took a short video of her and will post it on Facebook and I can't wait to see it! Every cat I had as a child growing up loved catnip but Meesha never did. It's funny to watch them with it!

Well, that's it for now. Have a great week!!

Til next time
Cathy

You get what you pay for

Well, here it is one week later...I really do have the best of intentions about blogging more often.

Wasn't the best week I've had. Came down with a bitch of a cold, as well as that time of the month. Seemed like all I wanted to do was sleep and sleep some more. Not a whole lot going on this week. Had to turn down an invite to join friends for a bonfire, this cough won't leave me alone and breathing cool damp air mixed with smoke from the fire didn't sound like a good idea.

Spent the day yesterday running around to different shops and finally, finally sucked up all my courage and went to a new hairstylist that my kids rave about. I always go the el cheapo route and get it done for 15 bucks or less....and the past few times I was not happy and had to go back to have her mistakes fixed. J said, Gawd mother, if you pay 15 bucks that's what you get, go to John, you'll love him. So..that's what I did. It pained me a bit to pay 40 bucks for a cut but not only did he cut it, he styled it completely different from how I've ever worn it. With bangs no less and I LOVE it!!! What a different look it is for me but I thought it makes me look younger and so does everyone that sees the pics or me and that's always a good thing!!

One of the things we picked up yesterday was fluids for the car when we were at WalMart. Hubby got some engine oil like always, same brand he always buys. Well...good grief, today he puts it in and starts to drive to the reserve to pick up smokes. He doesn't even get to the highway and all this white smoke is billowing out of the tail pipe and then the engine dies! So he pulls over, tried to start it and it started no problem. Drives a few more feet and it dies again. Gets to a gas station and calls me. Tried putting the brand name stuff in, still no dice. So I said, omg, (can't BELIEVE I'm actually suggesting this) is Can Tire open? If it is you could go and get them to drain it and check the filter and refill it...maybe he got a bad batch of oil. That's what he did, and it only cost 40 bucks which is still a rip off, cos an oil change is usually 20 bucks, they took advantage for sure. I said to him whatever you do, DON'T let them do ANYTHING else, we've had such horrible experiences with those jokers over there! They tried to tell him it could be the transmission for gawds sake, he told then yea, yea just change the oil. Can we do a diagnostic and he says NOOO just change the oil and leave it at that! He left, drove to the reserve and all is fine. What a trauma tho for a Sunday morning!

I'm in the midst of cleaning and laundry, decided to take a break for a few minutes when my friend called, then sat down to chat online. Heard the dryer stop and thought oh good last load is ready for the dryer, get up take out all the dried stuff, turn around and the washer is full of soapy water and the blankets still on the floor!! Uh huh, I'm really on the ball today!!

Well, all is done and my next plan of action today is to make a spaghetti sauce for tonite and also to freeze some. Got all the doors and windows open, a/c off and just airing the place out.

On afternoon shift for the next 2 weeks , first time for 2 full weeks since back in June. I'm glad to get a break from the 4 am thing.

I saw something interesting in my email today. A while back I was thinking it would be good to work from home to make a little extra money. I suppose I checked out this coupon site. They sent me an email today with an offer to join as they are hiring 45 new people for my area. The thing is they want $34.95 up front and that makes me suspicious as hell. Has anyone ever done this? and is any of it legit? I'd be interested to find out. I suppose I could check the BBB and see if there's any bad shit going around about them. It would be cool to make a bit of extra money from home but I don't want to get ripped off.

Well I guess that is it for today. I need to get busy chopping veggies for this sauce. So have a good week all.

Til next time

Cathy

Bits and bobs from the past week

This is rapidly beginning to look like a once a week blog.

Not that things haven't been happening cos they have but I suppose I'm just lazy.

Last Sunday was a little family get together for L's and J's birthdays. We had plans to go the park for awhile and let L run off some of his energy but it rained the whole time and magically cleared up by the time we were ready to leave. The Southside Shuffle was still on in Port Credit and they were just setting up again as we drove through to come home. I had wanted to go and did intend to go. I didn't make it as I was feeling pretty distraught over having to put my cat down. I think now I should have just sucked it up and went cos jazz and blues music are some of my faves, even if i don't know most of the artists, I still like to listen and it might have lifted my spirits somewhat.

Hubby went with our soninlaw...they lasted all of 15 minutes before announcing it was nothing more than old fogies!! Sheesh the man is 54!! Kinda like the pot calling the kettle black. It's just as well I didn't go cos it would've ended up in us fighting. All that talent and all he could say was they were old! They ended up going to play pool somewhere. Bizarre. Next year, hopefully, my friend Sue will be able to make and her and I will go down.

On Tuesday, something kinda odd and weird happened. I walked over to the bus stop after work and there was a woman there who just lit up when she saw me coming! My first thought was, do I know her? No, I didn't know her but she came up to me and started babbling about a job interview she had at 430 and how she lost her transfer and did I think the driver would let her on. I said, are you sure you lost it? She said, actually she never had one to begin with, cos she has no job and no address and she can't get welfare without an address and can't get a place unless she had money etc etc. All of a sudden I had a flash of insight, I looked at how incredibly thin and emaciated she looked, she bummed a light off me and I got a look at her hands and thought, oh no she's a crack addict! My sister was a crack addict, she reminded me so strongly of Lori, the scabs all over from the itching and jonsing for the next hit, her thumbs all cracked and sore looking from constantly flicking the lighter wheel, the deep phlegmy type cough. All I could think about and feel was incredible sympathy for her and so I gave her a bus ticket so she wouldn't have to feel shame at the thought of having to beg the driver for a ride.

I got on the bus and sat down while she went to collect all her belongings she was carrying. She gets on the bus and asks for a transfer and then goes through a whole spiel about how she cant find her ticket!!! I just looked on in utter amazement! I couldn't believe it! She made sure she had the transfer in her hand before claiming she couldn't find her ticket and was literally almost in tears while she begged the driver cos she had this job interview! The tears magically dried up as soon as he said yes and she sat behind me talking away to anyone who would listen about this job at McDonald's she was going for!

I wasn't angry about being deceived, all I felt was a deep feeling of pity for her and I wondered how often my sister did that over the years? Played on peoples sympathy, lied, bummed cigarettes, free rides etc. My sister died almost 2 years ago, at the age of 44 from crack use and I wanted so badly to say something to this woman but in the end I didn't cos I think it wouldn't have been any use. What a life..what a waste, but they don't see it. I smoked pot for over 30 years, I never got into the crack or cocaine. I smoked it to calm the fuck down, and the last thing I ever needed was the hyperness THAT drug provides. But what a sad and pitiful way to get through life. In the end though I'm glad I gave her the ticket, I also gave her a couple smokes she asked for before getting off the bus.

Maybe I've actually learned how NOT to judge people. My sister and I didn't have a close relationship, partly because she didn't want to admit to me about the drug use, partly because she could feel that I was judging her on it. It's too late to change how things were with my sis and I, but it's not too late to change my attitude.

On Friday night, hub and I and C and her fiance went out shopping and for dinner. We went to this buffet type Chinese food restaurant. All you can eat for 11.99. Very good deal and the food was really good. After that we went looking for pastry bags and decorating stuff so I could make J a cake for the party she was having Saturday night, adults only drinking party to celebrate her birthday. Then to crappy tire for a tool bag and some tools for C's fiances courses at college. The cool thing was I went into a store called A Buck or Two and I found personalized pens and gift card holders that I will use at Christmas. Last year most stores were out of the type of names I needed cos all the names are popular ones, so I thought, hey I'll look now and sure enough they had them all. Must remind myself of that for next year...get em early.

Yesterday was a write off for most of the stuff I wanted to get done except for the cake and groceries. I got some vacuuming and dusting done, but I am in the midst of the worst P.M.S episode I've had in quite awhile. Back pain like it's on fire and not being able to bend, was almost in tears after vacuuming, sat down, and swallowed back 3!!! Advil.

Hopefully today will be better, still got floors to wash and laundry to do.

Til next time
Cathy

Mid life crisis

I am having a difficult time right now in my life, and in some ways I think I may be, if not actually creating the problem, then certainly my refusal to accept certain things may be the problem in itself.

I don't know when this came to pass in my life that I find it hard to take the bad with the good and make the best of things.

My whole life, it seems, has been me saying it's OK, when clearly it's NOT OK.

I feel now like my life is half over and what do I have to show for it.

Well, the best things I have to show for it are my girls of course, my grandson, my health, a good job, albeit not something I grew up hoping to do obviously, health benefits in a country where they are universal, a roof over my head, clothes on my back and good healthy food in my stomach.

So...how can I feel this way?

The trouble with me, I think, is my expectations from people, myself and circumstances are so high that no one and nothing can live up to them.

I always believe in the best of everyone, I trust far too easily and I expect that I'm going to be treated the same way I treat others. Unfortunately, that rarely happens. When something occurs, like being lied to, being dumped on, being hurt by someone, or even being on the receiving end of incredible insensitivity, I can't, or more accurately, WON'T see past that. There used to be a time when I would just let it roll off my back and nowadays, not so much. Now I find myself questioning why? Why should I put up with it? Why should I sit back and say its OK? It's always about and for everyone else . I feel I deserve more than this.

I have a lot of anger inside me.

Anger that does me no good at all. I'm angry about the choices I made in life. The years of drug abuse. All the time putting myself last.

I'm a very strong person, as witnessed by my very ability to give up the drugs and just get through what life throws at me, without having to resort to artificial means to smooth out the rough edges and to help me not care that life can suck and will never be fair.

But now? Without the drugs? It's so difficult for me to be able to accept what I cannot change and I find now I care TOO much and I bristle at the thought of the unfairness.

I want to be able to see people for what they are, what they cannot help but be and not let it bother me so much. I want to understand. I want peace of mind.

Yet, for whatever reason, it eludes me. I thought with age comes understanding and wisdom but I think by masking my fears and unhappiness with drugs, it has delayed what by now should be self-evident.

Somehow, some way, I have to find the means inside myself to learn how to accept all the things in life that aren't fair, that hurt me, that make me question myself all the time, that make me wonder how in hell I'm supposed to be able to put up with all this shit and not lose my freaking mind or myself in the process.

It's too bad we aren't equipped with a book when we're born that tells us how to live our life, how to be happy without compromising ourselves, and most importantly, for me anyway,...ACCEPTANCE.

Til next time

Cathy

Rest in peace my Meecha

Yesterday was the hardest day I've had to face in a very long time. The hardest decision I've ever had to make.

My beloved cat had to be put down yesterday because she had problems with her kidneys and bladder. She was close to 15 years old and she was like one of my kids.

Her name was Mitzy, but we called her any number of names from Misha, to Weechat or Meechat ( pronounced weesha, meesha ) Mitty, Gray Cat and any number of variations.

I have never had a cat like her before and I doubt I ever will again. In some ways she was more dog than cat. She loved being brushed and would howl to be let out on the balcony so we could brush her. She loved to play fetch with the tiny bouncy balls and would bring it back in her mouth and drop it in your hand for you to throw again and again. She gave kisses like a dog would and I could literally hold her cradled in my arms like a baby and rock her and she loved it! For some reason she fell into a small percentage of cats that don't like catnip and it had no effect on her whatsoever. She also knew somehow with that uncanny ability cats have, that if someone didn't like/was allergic to cats, she would hover around them, just looking. No amount of shooing would make her leave that persons side....but see how cute I am?? How can you resist me??

She was such a funny little cat, she used to sit on the bathroom vanity and wait til someone was passing by and then scare the life out of us with a howl so we would turn the tap on in the sink so she could drink from it. It was always funny to see her poke her head around the corner from atop the fridge, (she liked to sleep up there and went thru any number of baskets as she got bigger and burst the sides) but startled many a person who was not expecting a cat to pop her head out at that height! How many times when she was younger would she sneak under the balcony dividers and "visit" the neighbors! Us always having to go knock on their door sayin can we have our cat back please? For years when she was younger, she was deathly afraid of the blow dryer and would regard it with narrow suspicion until one day she braved it out and sat next to me and I turned it on low and she discovered it blew WARM air! After that she was a pest the whole time any of us was using it and we always had to give her 5 minutes of warm air being blown on her

She loved pats and would sit for hours having her chin rubbed. I will miss seeing her silhouette behind the blind in any of the rooms as she sat there soaking up the sun. The way she'd run around like a cat possessed even up til just before she became ill, up and down and all over the backs of the furniture with her eyes glowing madly. She was a crazy, silly cat and much like a little kid for getting into mischief. She loved it when we pulled, gently of course, on her tail and would run all over playin tag while we tried to catch her and pull it. In fact, when we came home from where ever, she'd meow pitiously at us and we always said "awww someone is lonely and grey and needs her tail pulled". She was deathly afraid of thunder and would hide where ever she could, usually behind her litter box in the bathroom, or behind the toilet in the en suite washroom. She loved to hide and when we walked by, reach out and bat at our ankles.

C and I couldn't face taking her over to the vets to do what had to be done and we asked the hubby and C's fiance to do it. It upset them both terribly but C and I would have been in hysterics. We know it was the right thing to do but it's so goddamned hard to say good bye to her. An era is over and it's just not the same here without her. I swear I see her out of the corner of my eye and hear her meow at me.

I'm gonna miss her so much, she was my baby cat.

Forever in our memories. Love you sweetie.

Til next time

Cathy

So today marks 26 years since I had my daughter J. At 629 pm this evening as a matter of fact. I went into labor on labor day ( how fitting), I was originally due on the 20th of August but she was in no hurry to arrive. I even resorted to taking cod liver oil by the cupful to try and trigger labor that weekend. At that point I was 16 days overdue and beginning to think that not only did I look like an elephant , I was afraid I was gonna have the same gestation period as well!!

Then, once in the hospital, my labor just stopped. Gawd , I was beside myself. I had the epideral, the enema, but im a small hipped woman and could not dilate more than 6 cms. The doctor sent my husband home to eat and said it would be a few more hours. Within a half hour of him sending daddy home, J went into distress and the fetal monitor was going crazy. The doctor decided then and there to do an emergency c-section. Now, we had taken all the prenatal classes and I wanted him there! When it became clear they couldn't get ahold of him, I panicked and demanded to be put under. So I never did get to see her being born.

She was finally born at 629 pm and weighed a whopping 9 pounds 9 ounces and was 23 inches long. She was 18 days late and she looked more like a 2 month old than a new born! No wonder I couldn't pass her!! Good grief she would've ripped me apart! The doctor said what is it with you little ladies having these HUGE babies?! Musta been all that milk and the fact that she was almost a 10 month pregnancy!!

Today also marks the day 7 years ago that my grandson was born. J also went into labor on labor day and had him at 930ish the next day. Had her epidural worked properly, he may well have been born at the same time as she was. How's that for a coincidence? Couldnt have planned it better if we tried. The greatest thing that ever happened to me was being able to be in the room to see him born! I was laughing and crying at the same time. Truly a miracle to witness. Watching him turn from a dusky blue to pink as he started breathing is something i will never forget as long as i live!

So, to my precious daughter: Happy Birthday J! and to my special little guy : Happy Birthday L! You both make my life worthwhile and I'm glad I can call you mine. You'll never know how much both of you mean to me!

Til next time

Cathy